The American Dream.....bleh, Providence, RI, May 2011

I was in quite a good mood today. My new flat is starting to look good and I worked out this morning to lose the smiling belly. So I decided to reward myself with a trip to McDonald's at University Heights, Providence.

The reason why I gave the location of this Maccy D's is because the girl who served me was shockingly poor. Amanda, you were crap. How do you not know how much a medium and a large Big Mac Meal cost? They are your flagship meals. Furthermore, you had no idea of even approximate costs. What vexed me even more was that you made absolutely no attempt to find out. Go and run your head under the ketchup station and wake up, you dunce.

I ordered a Medium Big Mac Meal. I was given an empty cup. That threw me a bit. What was I supposed to with an empty cup? Beg for money? Then I remembered. The American Dream states that one can fill up as many times as you want with whatever you want. Fuck yeah! We don't have that concept in The England. By the way, the cup was huge. It must have been a pint in size. That would be a Large in The England too.

My next logical step was to go to the 'Refreshments counter' to fill the bastard up. There was nothing refreshing about the 'Refreshments counter'. Where were the ketchup cups, Amanda? So there it was. No ketchup with my fries. I took my seat at one of the booths dodging the puddle on the floor. After cleaning another puddle on my table, I inspected the damage. The anticipation of having a Maccy D's on American soil was was tingling. It must be what all Americans dream of when they pop out of their mothers' wombs. If this all goes well, I am going to apply for a Green Card...

 The fries were standard. No complaints. The main event was the Big Mac. What welcomed me was a typical mess of a soggy bun with lettuce and chopped onions tossed randomly in the carton for a laugh. Complimenting the soggy bun were two dry brown things that I think were the patties. The plastic sauce topped my ordeal. Every time I picked the burger up, the bun flapped around like Heurelho Gomez on a wet afternoon in Seven Sisters. This Big Mac was like Ken Clarke's comments - it left a nasty taste in the mouth.

The Ho Down says: My dining experience from start to finish was like a scene from the (fictional) movie: 'Bankers Gone Wild' starring Dominique Strauss-Kahn; i.e. disgraceful. Don Gorske, you have nothing to be proud of, son...

On a side note, a reliable source informed me that if Maccy D's are run by a good manager, their quality of products should be good. So my experience might not reflect with all Maccy D's. Not all Maccy D's employ Amanda...